The year is already over..

Yes, and mine was over on July 6, the day I came back home to Indonesia.

Even so, all the memories during that one year will always be in my heart.. Sheesh thinking of it might even make me cry.. Sometimes I hate being so sensitive over these things.. I cry easily either when I'm mad or touched :S

The exchange students and my host families are the most unforgettable people in my exchange year. Sure, I spent a lot of time with my classmates in school thinking that the rule said I should make more friends with the locals.. But then, i misunderstood the rule. Thinking about it makes it feel stupid, but it's passed... I regret not spending more time with the other exchange students more.. But I did not regret spending a lot of time with my host families.. :)

Even though I might not be in contact with a lot of people from my exchange year, they are still part of my precious memories in Taiwan. People have been busy with their school and social life back home, and me too, although I haven't socialized that well yet with my new classmates. I thought I had changed, but the shy part of me still hasn't changed. When I'm hyper I laugh and talk, but I am still easily distracted; emotionally distracted. When something is in my mind and I think of it all the time, I might become quieter and not talk, and try to force myself to talk to people, mostly feeling disappointed in myself eventually.

I feel like my head would explode any minute, and feel like I want to be able to hibernate and just sleep peacefully. However I know that's not possible. I have things I need and have to do, and time will never stop flowing.

The conflicts inside me might not be something really big or important, but I tend to think over small things. I don't like this tendency of mine, but that's me. I have two choices: change it, or leave it. Hard way or easy way. Better ending or worse ending.

Again about my year, truthfully I regretted a lot of things. I know, such a wonderful year shouldn't be regretted, but I can't help it. I hate people who always criticize you not for who you are now but the 'past' you, but then personally inside me, I often dwell over my past experiences. Mostly ones I don't or never want to be reminded ever again.

One was during my exchange year, but as this is a blog, no matter how I want the others know the truth of that time, it will hurt myself in the end. I was betrayed by someone whom I thought was my best friend in my exchange year. It doesn't really matter any more as the year had ended, but I still wished that she was to be blamed at that time and not me. All because I was oblivious and stupid. I don't hate her, but I can't really trust her any more. That's all.

One was after, but this one might make me cry loads :S

I should start a new blog, as this year is already over, but I might still add things to this blog; either it's something I forgot to write despite how many months had passed or anything related to Taiwan and my exchange year.

After so long

I feel like having bad luck nowadays..

I keep losing things.

First, my newly bought cute name stamp was lost during the 7-day trip, and it's impossible to look for it.

Second, I accidentally left my pencil case in a Pizza Hut in Hualien. One day after I got home from the trip, I bought a new pencil case, and even though I asked the Pizza Hut people to help me send the pencil case, I ended up liking the new pencil case more than the old one. And I thought I loved the old one better.. oh well.

Third, my B.B. Multi Blemish White Balm is LOST. That was a present from my host sister! And it was pretty expensive.. well at least in my eyes.

Fourth, today I just found out that the cookies I bought in Kinmen expired two and three days ago... (I had two bags). AND THE COOKIES TASTE AWESOME... T___T

Fifth, I remember I had something lost but I forgot what it is.

Sixth, I need to do cleaning in my room. I haven't cleaned my room ever since I came here, and I'm gonna clean it the last.. day. Hehehehehe.

This was typed around twenty something of June and I haven't posted this lol

I'll type out a new post.

Host family 3

My bed in my third host family's house :)



The closet



My desk, thanks to me it's messed up already



Computer in my room! And it's new! How cool is that <3

Host family 2

My bedroom



Room + Luggage :)



Wardrobe



Meja dandan



At my host mom & dad's company. Tea set

I love my 2nd host family too! They're really nice, and they taught me a lot of things :)

Host family 1

I should be posting this from looong waay ago. However I'm not that easily excited enough to be urged to take pictures -___-

As for my first host family, I only have the SUPER MESSY version (big thanks to me) and some pictures of the house. I really should take more pictures --"











It's an apartment, and it's on the 7th floor. I don't have pictures of my luggage when I first came, but oh well, it's in my mind <3

Fangirlness

I'm wondering if my fangirlness are gone now.

I used to be a REAL fangirl, and now that I think of it, it IS embarrassing.. LOOL That's what you call experience.

Then my best friend changed me, she made me look into reality and not craze over something that isn't even real.

But I still go 'he's so handsome' or whatever, it's just I go for real people now :p

That day, I went with two of my exchange friends to go watch Twilight.

I was like, awww and well, squealing to myself(of course low volume) and one of my exchange friends said, "Don't be a fangirl. Nobody likes a fangirl,"

Then she explained that soo many girls like Edward and to hear squeals is just tiring. She wasn't angry though, to be more exact she was giving me an advice.

I said I won't be a fangirl in front of her, but those words actually remained in my head. Loool.

Lyrics

Quoted from Fish Leong's Mei You Ru Guo

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
錯過救過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

It actually encouraged me with the situation I had about a week ago. Well with life going on I got over it, but I will remember that :)

I want to eat

KERIPIK SINGKONG!

Music

IMAGES ARE NOT MINE. I LOOKED FROM GOOGLE AND PICKED WHATEVER I LIKED.

I looked for songs for two reasons:

Improve my Chinese (from the words in the lyrics)

So if I go to a KTV I can sing Chinese songs and not English songs. It's boring when it's only you who understands or know the song.

My recent madness iiiisss WANG LEE HOM (王力宏) FISH LEONG (梁靜茹) DA MOUTH (大嘴巴)

FISH LEONG 梁靜茹


Wanita cantik ini adalah orang Malaysia. Looking at KTV song lists, her name appeared a lot. I decided to look for her songs, and her songs are really good! LOVE HER. Especially her song 沒有如果 (No If). There's another song that I liked but well, let's skip that cause I forgot the title.

I'd say you won't regret listening to her songs! :D


WANG LEE HOM 王力宏


Unquestionably hot and talented. He may be over thirty but he is one sexy beast :p

To me his voice is unique, and good to hear. His latest album, Heart Beat has some songs that I like. The song, 心跳 (Heart Beat) somehow moves my heart... LOL. I get heartbeats by listening to that song... especially when he's singing the chorus. Ooohh...

One of the first Taiwanese singers/artist that I know, but I never really listened to his songs until I saw an MV of him singing 另一個天堂 (Another Heaven) with Jane Zhang, the Chinese Mariah Carey (??) hahaha


DA MOUTH 大嘴巴



I found out about this band from the Puma advertisement, in which they sang King & Queen (國王皇后). I fell in love with the song, but I didn't know the title. Then one day I was with my Indonesian exchange friend hanging out in Tainan, and we saw this video of them singing the Chinese version of Thelma Aoyama's Koko ni Iru yo. I found that their band name is DA MOUTH, and it's only yesterday and two days ago that I knew this song's title. Since I was on a Rotary activity, when I get home I will find the video!

Reminder to myself: THEY'RE COMING TO TAINAN BUT I FORGOT WHAT DATE... I'M SO GONNA SEARCH FRIENDS TO SEE THEM!

After watching the King & Queen video...

HARRY! (張懷秋)



I don't know what caused me to suddenly craze over him, but my brain says one possibility is because of his voice.

But Aisa is also really cute!


Actually at first I prefered DJ Chang Hua cause he looks cool and... sexy? He's the most right on the group picture, and as for MC 40... I don't know --"" he's still good though, at least he can do something that I can't :)

Recent life

哭. 有罪.


Those words represent my mood in the past few days. It's my fault though.. my fault that my mood is really down in the past few days. It's not something I will write openly in my blog, just in case someone sees it -___-

As my mom had said, take everything good or bad to make you wiser. Yes, I know that and I don't need any more reprimanding. Sounds arrogant, but I really want to just close this case and never talk about it again. But, my mom worsened my mood this morning reprimanding me again. After giving me a sentence signifying her understanding, the next day is another reprimanding.

BETE. >:(

I know what my fault is, I just needed understanding from people that people make mistakes. My mistake is nearly a grave mistake, but it will not become one grave mistake unless I did this mistake again.

When I see them getting a little angry at me, my mind thinks, I'm going to be with them for only a few months from now, but I said again to myself; with limited time, why not make the best memories..? but I don't know if that is possible or not. I hope I can though. The proverb that says something like beggars can't be picky, I understand that clearly.

Other people who is reading this won't even understand.. I think. Well my point is to ramble to myself on the blog after all...

This experience of mine had taught me a lot of things. How dangerous it could be, how dangerous it would be if I didn't have this host family by my side now, how 'something' could make you regret things, how you realized that your mind doesn't always say what you really want, how it is to step into another shoe, and lots more.



My host mother and host sister are my biggest supporter here. Love, hugs and kisses for them.



The good things happening recently... I don't know... well I said to myself that I am going to spend more and more time with my classmates. Being a Chinese coming to a Chinese country, you look no different with a local. This has caused me to wish for being looked at, being admired, and whatever a unique individual would be treated. I got over it, but sometimes I still think of it.

I'm forcing myself to be someone else.


It sounds stupid when I think of it now. But then, before I realized of course I didn't realize.

There's this classmate of my host sister that looked at me with admiration, and being used to the normal treatment this made me feel strange. Am I really that special? Lol.

I should feel. But I just don't have confidence and always thinks other people are better than me in many ways.



Oh, good things are maybe my drawings. Can't explain how it improved, but I just feel proud. Oh scanner, I really wish you are in my host family's house... cause I really want to upload something to DA... well my school has scanner but of course it's more troublesome cause I need my USB with me if I want to scan, and although a quick upload is possible, I take time when uploading... -_________-"

Chinese? I don't even count any more. I still stutter sometimes and I need vocabularies (all the time). Taiwanese? Don't ask me to speak cause I usually can't speak, but when I hear sometimes I understand.

When I feel sad, I really wish I could go home right at that moment, but no, it would give me more than a thousand regrets. I said to myself, this is something that I had no choice but to encounter, and had no choice but let time go on and on.

I really wished I could say it to my bestie face-to-face, but computer's the only way. She said she got pretty angry, but I suppose it's because I haven't explained all, or it's just that my explaining skills are POOR.

Lunch is coming soon, and I want to surf the net for a while.

midnight babble

I realize my posts are always so long, except for the short simple ones. And I lack PICTURES!

Unless you are pretty much like me, who could stand reading long blogs of babble, I suppose you're gonna think my blog is boring. All texts and no pictures. I do have actually, but it's just the way uploading and moving pictures here makes me lazy to upload... =___=

It's ten past one now. Over midnight. Holidays really make you want to sleep later, and later and later. Later I gotta clean up the room. Why did I say later? Logically it's already the next day, it's just because I haven't slept so my brain thinks this is still January 23rd. Time difference-- remember that.

Fanfiction.net... I really don't know what I want to write. Maybe I'm forcing myself? I wanted to make a story with my original characters and if possible, make a small manga. Friends always encourage me to make mangas because they think my drawing capabilities are enough to make manga.. though I don't really think so --"

crazed over

This is supposed to be in another of my blog, but somehow I feel like posting it here. Oh well, who cares anyway. I'm still in Taiwan after all. Recent, or maybe not so recent happenings in my life..


HAOU AIREN







OWNED BY MANGAFOX (and whoever scanned and translated it). Original image link: http://www.mangafox.com/page/manga/read/111/haou_airen/chapter.26060/page.13/



I ain't claiming it as mine, since I'm only a reader. Really wish I could buy the book.. if only it's available in my language @__@ (so I can read it any time I want without worrying over computer)

Why did I choose this image? I think the Hakuron on the bottom panel looks especially gorgeous XDDD


Oh yeah. Hakuron Uon. 黑龍




When I read Love Celeb, I thought that Gin was already so handsome (and then changed), and then came Sakuya (changed again), and now... Hakuron! (unchanged) --refrains self from going fangirl mode


He is definitely the most good-looking among all-- well to me. I don't know why. As for personalities, since we're not discussing real men here, let's not talk about that... it sounds like I'm going to go back to my old self crazing over anime guys too much as if they're real.. okay let's move on.


I actually read about this series in Wikipedia. Heard it was popular so I wanted to read, but other than http://www.onemanga.com/ I didn't know many other free online-reading sites. I know there's more than a bunch but I just didn't know. I saw my host sister seeing this free online-reading site but translated to Chinese, and there's this series she's currently reading. My sole purpose of going to the website (http://www.8comic.com/ ) was to search what name was the series she read.


It's just me, to play these little detective games. That web turned out to have an English version, and so I checked. Yay, it has lots and also.. Haou Airen! Sadly, the chapters were unavailable for some kind of reason.


Next resort: google it. And yesh, I did succeed. http://www.mangafox.com/ is mah lifesaver LOL. I became addicted to it, and I became lazy on cleaning my room (I could clean my room with the time I have but I read online manga instead)... I finished reading it in a few days, but not consecutive.


Somehow, listening to songs I listened while reading the manga makes me remember.. I suppose it's normal in a logical way, but sometimes color does too.

The songs I listened while reading Haou Airen were: (I know this is just me, but it's a blog so it's supposed to bear with my babbles no matter what kind it is :p)



It's Amazing - Jem (Sex and The City OST)
Together When... - Ayumi Hamasaki
Prisoner Of Love - Utada Hikaru (Last Friends OST)
Womanizer - Britney Spears
薄荷與指甲(lit. Mint and Nail Scissors) - Rachel Liang (梁文音 Liang Wen-Yin)
Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park
Perhaps Love (Mandarin version) - Howl & J
Truth - Nobuo Uematsu (FF8 OST - Edea's House background music)


Underlined means like 'reminders'. Maybe more related or something I don't know but my brain just picks it up?

Other examples are like I remember Utada Hikaru's songs for Kingdom Hearts by a certain color; white reminds me of Simple and Clean, and red reminds me of Sanctuary/Passion. I guess that's what you call impression?


RANMA 1/2

Can't say I have just gotten addicted to it. While I'm still in Indonesia me and my little brother love Ranma 1/2 comics and we always look for new volumes :D I love how she makes the comic crazy.


Facebook

Now I check this almost everyday. I open computer, and my email inbox plus facebook is the first I will see. @___@""

Bye bye friendster...


CHINESE

For my holidays I've got personal homework stuffed up. Well I thank my teachers for helping me, giving me a book of Chinese idioms with bopomofo decorating each character so I can read (even though may be very extremely slow), and then old newspapers which also had bopomofo, and two books I borrowed from the library.

I really want to spend my holidays slacking off for some while, since even though my situation is much better than my schoolmates, I miss holidays. Chinese New Year is also close, which means I gotta clean up the room. Darn it... =_= oh well, might as well dig up some lost things. I lost some things, and most probably I forgot where I had put them. Moving to a new house needed a lot of small bags, one heavy sport bag, and very heavy luggage... my host dad even said I still have 6 months to go and it's already this many... woe is me.


Bicycle

Maybe this has been mentioned in the previous entries, but it's because I heard we're going to go cycling in Kaohsiung (高雄). My host mom did say she won't let me go if I can't ride, which would be no fun at all... Of course she's worried about my safety, but not being able to spend with people you're not going to meet for a long time in the future sucks. So, the solution is? Training.


Drawing

I don't know why but today out of boredom I produced some "self-proclaimed"good-looking artworks. I wish I could color them. I want to try submitting colored art in Deviantart, which is one of the reasons why I keep holding back on submitting arts.


MY BOLSTER

I miss it so much. Oh... I remember I named it HAKUTUCHI. When I was little.. oh.


MY OLD BLANKET

The blanket is still in my possession, not broken and all.. however it has changed due to one accident caused by my maid, and many small accidents caused by me.


I wish I could put up a photo here, but I don't take pictures of my belongings often.. maybe it's because I feel okay just by seeing them already. Maybe I've got to change this habit.. though it really isn't a bad one..

bicycleee

yeay i finally at least able to ride bicycle :D:D:D

but i don't think i'm going to the streets now, gotta practice my balance =_= i still go left and right and chances of tumbling is still kind of big...

Sepeda..

Hari ini akan mencoba naek sepeda.. semoga enggak ada yang pake lapangan deh.. ada malu, ada takut nabrak juga.

Taiwan sekolahnya kejam juga ya. Harusnya libur musim dingin malah masuk sekolah lagi.. apa-apaan itu. Untung gw boleh masuk boleh enggak. Ampe harus masuk cemberut deh. Hehehehehe

Goals

Everyone should have goals.

My goals are:

- be able to ride bicycle!
- learn calligraphy
- be more open
- learn chinese macrame
- learn more chinese words

Maybe it sounded like new years' resolutions but well, it's past so it would seem more like personal goals.

BICYCLE.

In Taiwan, many people use them. In Indonesia, people use cars since private drivers are not expensive. With me, I rode bicycle with the two small tires to help, and now I'm facing the two tires bike. I fell down a lot so you might not call that a trauma, because I'm just nervous.

IT REALLY HURT 'DOWN' THERE THANKS TO IMPROPER SEATING.

I suppose my host dad's right, I need a smaller bike first before I can advance to bigger bikes. I am tall, but still..

I think I've written some mental notes in my head. I don't really understand what my host dad told me yesterday, however he did say when the bike is going to fall, I'm not doing anything to prevent it. Maybe that's one of my problems. Braking all the time will hurt me more..

CALLIGRAPHY

A friend's mom taught me and said for a first-time try I'm good. It's fun after all, with my fondness of writing characters and all. Studying chinese painting won't do much with my remaining six months.

OPEN

I do realize I am a quiet person. Not that kind to always stay away from the crowd, however I always feel the need to know more people and all. Teen life...

When you're not invited to a big party, you feel it's unfair. Well it's not exactly a party, but the exchange students gather in that day and you're not invited. Unfair, I know and I missed my outside town exchange friends already. Blaming isn't a solution, no matter how much the devil inside my heart pressured me to @___@"""

It's passed, so I'll just forget about it (though it keeps on haunting me).

In front of my school friends I really feel I could be myself. I don't know why I'm feeling so unfamiliar with the other exchange students that sometimes I cover myself. The real me. Don't ask me why, I don't even know why do I want to do that.

Things happen for a reason, but you don't always know about it.

CHINESE

My first month in Taiwan went off pretty good or maybe so-so, but my Chinese isn't improving well. Big thanks to my host dad. Why? Actually he compared me with last year's Thailand exchange student.

Exchange students in Taiwan would understand that it's unfair. Thailand is like the reigning king or queen in Taiwan's exchange students. Most of them had studied Chinese before coming here, and I suppose that's why they're almost always at the top. Almost always.

But, I did not retaliate. Instead, I thought about it. There are thousands of possibilities what I might do, well maybe yes maybe no. I can just think it's unfair to compare people, and just refrain from studying Chinese any more, since my host family paid for my chinese classes and I could just make them sorry for it.

No thanks, I'm not going to do that. I've read the rules and agreements and what should you do to become a good exchange student. HOST FAMILY DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING.

Yeah, that's a fact. Without them, I wouldn't be able to survive my one year. Maybe it's hard to make negatives become positives, but during my orientation a great person (HAHA) taught us exchange student candidates that if someone did something bad to you, take all the positives it might give; short-term or long-term.

I'm proud that I could make a negative to positive. Not being able to speak Chinese means you won't be able to communicate very well, knowing that in Taiwan not that many people can speak English. You might say I'm considerate, but maybe that's the way I am. I'm not forcing people to speak English to me, instead I think it's me who should improve. I am not in an English-speaking country. If you think logically, it shouldn't me them who makes all the effort (for exchange student's cases)

My four month is 27th December 2008. My mom said that three months would let you be able to speak Chinese already, minus the complicated or harder parts. Three months I'm ok, but of course I have improved more now. My second host family's English is far worse than my first, so I'm glad that I could communicate with them well.

I still need body languages sometimes, but I shall remember words too.

I'm of Indonesian nationality, yet I use English all the time in my blogs. Maybe it's just my habit to type English here.. =__="" but that doesn't mean my Indonesian is poor :p